Your deception and how long you were able to hide it amazes me. Your thievery of the love I had to give confuses me. Yet the cruelty you have thrown my way steals my dignity and scars my soul. I took you at your work and believed all your words. All the while I should have listened to your actions. Your utter lack of respect towards me, the treating of me as if I were a work whore cuts my heart in two. Your choice in timing even lends more into the depth of your deception of your “love”. Your lack of decency, respect of me as a person is the legacy you leave to all who know you and those that love you. Who through observation of your conduct will learn how to treat other women as a work whore, maid, deserving of no loyalty, honesty, or respect. I offered you unconditional loyal, honest, and true love. You took that sincerity and destroyed it.

Never in my life have I allowed anyone to change who I am and what I believed. Your gift to me was to be the first to alter who I am and what I believe in and my compassion, trust and faith in people and in love. You will forever have my heart, my love and there will forever be emptiness in my soul. I never once did not have an understanding or a lack of compassion for your depression. I was one of the only people who did yet love you through it. Your depression is not an excuse for your behavior or your treatment of me. There are many people who are depressed and still not cruel, mean, and hate filled. All your hate, anger and need for revenge towards your demons, as your excuse, you direct towards me. I accepted the abuse in large part because I loved you and knew you needed to work through it all. But here we are at the time when happiness should reign and when we are ‘together’ you left me feeling as if I should have charged for the services. There was no love directed to me, no kisses, no hugs, no touches, caresses just where mechanical as were the words, “I love you” with a hint of done “now go home”.

Then the ignoring me, turning your phone off for days, inviting me over then treating me like I’m intruding, broken promises and so many excuses I can’t keep up but, always knew you had one to offer for a justification for your treatment of me and your actions. These signals all spoke volumes towards what you really thought of us and of me. Your cowardice and lack of pride is shown by how your ended us. You show more respect to strangers and enemies than you do towards me. You say you don’t love her, you claim to hate her, yet you treat her better than the one you profess to love. I believed every word you said I trusted you. I believed in you. You claimed you would win this now you are wrong. Dead Wrong!

I am no longer the work whore who no longer accepts any of your abuse any longer. You got what you wanted in the end. You destroyed who I was, altered who I am and negatively impacted who I will ultimately become. You took a good soul, kind heart, and peaceful mind and destroyed it. You and yours alone did this in full knowledge and with malice and intent. That is what is unforgivable. As long as you wanted, desired or needed something from me you ensured your best behavior. As soon as you no longer had a need from me the cruelty seeped in and I was left hurt and in pain. In time you no longer needed me for anything therefore I was no longer wanted. You previously yelled and hollered at me about listening to people and what they have to say. Your actions and treatment of me shows me that they were right and did hear those horrible things about me from some representative of someone close to you.

I can endure the pain of all the new revelations that have been revealed here of recent. It is the lies, abuse, and deception of my love that I will forever try to get through and move on from. You think situations from your past destroyed you? You have no idea how mortally injured you have made me. I’m strong, way stronger than you, I will survive, and I will never trust, love or give of myself again. Besides you forever will have my heart but, the fear of such pain again will ensure my tomb of loneliness for the rest of my days. Now I think back to how dare your family threatening me of causing you pain when all along you had a devastating agenda all your own. I do wish you the best. I do hope you alter your legacy of your life. Another abusive man out there is not what this world needs. I do hope you figure out your truth. I do hope you figure out what you want without the lateral destruction of those around you. And I do hope you find a positive way to be towards whoever is in your future.

You do not love me. I will forever love you. You do not respect me. I will always respect you. You do not want me. I will always be waiting and clinging to the hope you will come back. You refused to give me the kindness of goodbye and the compassion to say my  peace or the ability to voice my pain in person. Maybe you are not the man I thought you were; maybe you are just a coward. But, somehow I just think it was part of the plan all along.

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